How to Make Friends in College Even If You're Shy

The Biggest Myth About Making Friends in College

Before I got to college, I thought everyone else would show up already knowing exactly what they were doing. Confident. Outgoing. Instantly making friends. Then move-in day happened, and I realized almost everyone was just as nervous as I was. Nobody expects you to have a perfectly formed friend group on day one.

Stop Looking for Your "Best Friend"

One mistake I see a lot of freshmen make is expecting to find their people during the first week. Instead, focus on collecting acquaintances. Talk to the girl in your chemistry class. Invite someone from orientation to lunch. Sit next to someone new. Your best friends often come from a chain of small interactions, not one magical introduction.

Say Yes More Than You Say No

Someone invites you to get dinner?

Go.

Someone is walking to Target?

Go.

Someone wants to study together?

Go.

Even if the activity isn't exciting, the conversation might be.

Leave Your Dorm Door Open

This sounds cliché. But it works. Some of my favorite college conversations started because someone walked by and said, "Hey, can I come in?" If you prefer to have your door closed, be purposeful about spending time in communal areas like lounges, dining halls, and study rooms.

Be the Person Who Makes the Plan

You don't have to be outgoing to be the planner. Simple texts like, "Anyone want to grab lunch?" or "I'm walking to Starbucks if anyone wants to come," are often all it takes. You'll be surprised how many people are waiting for someone else to ask first.

Don't Panic If It Takes Time

Some people meet their best friends on move-in day. Others don't find their group until sophomore, junior, or even senior year. Friendships grow naturally when you consistently put yourself around other people.

My Biggest Piece of Advice

College friendships aren't built through one perfect conversation. They're built through hundreds of tiny moments. Walking to class together. Sharing lecture notes. Late-night snack runs. Complaining about the same professor. Those little moments add up faster than you think.

Some Conversation Tips

1. Give a Compliment That Starts a Story

Try: "I love your necklace!" or "Your room is so cute," or "That tote bag is adorable."

Personalized things usually have a story behind them, like maybe the necklace was a graduation gift, maybe they spent weeks decorating their dorm, and maybe they painted the tote bag themselves.

People naturally enjoy sharing stories about things they've chosen because those things say something about who they are. The compliment is just the opening. The story is what keeps the conversation going.

2. Ask for a Small Favor

Need to borrow a charger? Forgot a pen? Can't reach the cereal on the top shelf at the dining hall? Ask.

It sounds backwards, but asking someone for a small favor can actually make them feel more connected to you. Psychologists sometimes call this the Benjamin Franklin Effect. The idea is that after doing someone a small favor, our brains often decide, "I must like this person, otherwise why would I have helped them?" And it also creates a natural reason to talk again later. "Thanks again for letting me borrow your charger yesterday!" Suddenly you have an easy second conversation. Just keep it small. You're building rapport, not asking someone to help you move in.

3. Ask for a Recommendation Instead of Information

Instead of "Where can I get coffee?" ask, "What's your favorite coffee shop around here?"

People love feeling like the expert. Recommendations also reveal personality, which gives you something to talk about next.

Bonus: Ask fun opinion questions instead of "yes" or "no" ones.

Examples:

• "What's been your favorite class so far?"

• "If you could only eat at one dining hall forever, which would you pick?"

• "What's one thing you wish you'd known before coming to college?"

These naturally spark longer conversations.

4. Bond Over a Shared Experience

One of the easiest ways to connect is by commenting on what's happening right now.

Examples:

• "This classroom is freezing."

• "That exam was crazy."

• "I'm so excited about today's lunch."

You're already experiencing the same thing, so the conversation feels natural instead of forced.

5. Remember One Tiny Detail

If someone mentions they're from Chicago, have an exam tomorrow, or are obsessed with matcha, bring it up the next time you see them. It seems small, but remembering details makes people feel genuinely seen. That's a big step toward building a friendship.

Final Thoughts

If you're nervous about making friends, remember this: Everyone else is hoping someone talks to them, too. Sometimes all it takes is being the first person to say, "Mind if I sit here?"

The best friendships don't usually start with a perfect introduction. They start with one small conversation. So go say hi.

XOXO,

Broke College Girl