The 7 Stages of Going Out in College

After four years of extensive research (and way too many late-night Ubers), I've concluded that every college night out follows the exact same cycle.

Stage 1: The Awakening

It starts with one innocent text.

"Anyone going out tonight?"

You weren't planning on it.

In fact, you've been talking about your "quiet night in" since breakfast.

But now...

You wonder.

You casually check the group chat.

Purely for research purposes.

Stage 2: Hibernation

Absolutely not.

You have homework.

You have laundry.

You have exactly $17.54 in your bank account.

Tonight is for self-care.

You put on sweatpants.

You wash your face.

You get into bed.

You've never been more committed to staying in.

Stage 3: Delusion

Your roommate walks in.

"Wait... everyone is going."

Interesting.

You weren't going to go.

But...

What if you just got ready?

Not because you're going.

Just so you have the option.

Very logical.

Stage 4: The Wardrobe Meltdown

Nothing fits.

Nothing looks right.

Nothing has ever looked right.

You own thirty tops.

Every single one is simultaneously ugly, dirty, or "I've worn this too recently."

You end up borrowing your roommate's shirt.

Again.

Stage 5: Financial Amnesia

You remember you are broke.

You also remember that memories are priceless.

Girl math takes over.

Uber?

Split seven ways.

Late-night food?

Basically free.

Cover charge?

You'll sneak in.

Current You deserves happiness.

Stage 6: Peak Confidence

Hair: perfect.

Makeup: flawless.

Playlist: blasting.

You take 83 pictures on your roommate's digi.

Leave feeling like the hottest person on campus.

Stage 7: Regret

It's 2:43 a.m.

Your feet hurt.

Your checking account hurts.

You spent half your money on three mozzarella sticks and a Diet Coke.

You tell everyone:

"I'm never going out again."

See you next Friday.

By Saturday morning, you've officially returned to Stage 2.

You swear you're done.

Until someone sends:

"Anyone going out tonight?"

Goodbye, homework.

You were never getting done tonight anyway.

XOXO,

Broke College Girl